Finding out who I am…

It’s hard when you use for so many years and you forget who you are. I used to actually enjoy doing things and now I don’t even know what I like anymore. I mean, I’m really grateful that I started writing because that is something I definitely enjoy doing. I also love to dance but the bar/club atmosphere is tough for me to be in sometimes. I actually just went dancing the other night with my bambino, who I haven’t seen in way too long. We went to a bar called Kacey’s, it’s like a rooftop bar for people over 25 and then Inside is a club type thing which I think is more entertaining. I had such an amazing night with him, honestly, I haven’t had fun like that in a while. I miss being able to see him every day, but I screwed that up. It will all be over soon though and then I’ll actually be able to enjoy him on a daily basis. But, yeah, I genuinely don’t know what I like to do anymore, it seems like all the things I wanted to do while I was getting high and couldn’t because I had no money, when I try to do those activities now that I have money, I don’t enjoy doing them, does that make sense? Like, now that I have a sober thinking/non chaotic mind set, I don’t find any of those ideas’ fun. It’s been almost 12 years since I really let myself just be myself, and sometimes it is kind of scary figuring out who I am. So far, I love the person I’m becoming, and I wish that I didn’t hide myself away under the influence for so many years. Anyway, I have to get ready for work now, I’ll update again later.

Stay Golden

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